Niche Things Only Aussie Dads Do

It is no secret that down under, we are a different breed. God forbid, it often takes leaving our precious country to actually realise how hilariously cooked we are. 

For me, I had this awakening when I was on exchange in France in 2011. 

I had done some weird ass ‘swap’ that you only see now in reality TV shows - so I was staying in Bordeaux with a billet family. 

Everything I thought I had ever known truly came into question when I had dinner with my billet ~Daddy~ Antoine for the first time.

Why had he not put his feet on the dinner table after he had finished his meal? 

He didn’t ONCE for my entire 18 day stay?!?! Furthermore,

he also didn’t yell “struth” at random intervals OR wear socks with thongs.

I didn’t learn one thing from this trip - just that Aussie Dads are very OG. 

Only in Australia will Dads...

Tell you how they AREN’T

*leaked convo of wild, native aus dads at woolies*

Dad: Gary, M8, howsitgarn!!! Stayin out of trouble I hope 

Dad 2: haha yeah not bad m8, nooot bad, you?

Dad: haha yeah not bad m8!!!

Only in Australia will every dad, instead of telling you how they are - tell you how they aren’t.

Like, honestly, just tell us if you’re okay FFS. The mystery is driving me insane. Not once have I heard my dad actually say “yeah, I am GOOD thanks” ??? Or any Aussie dad for that matter. 

Answer the phone with a colour

Only Australian dads when they pick up the phone will yell “YELLOOOW” extremely loudly. 

Rich considering if I picked up the phone and yelled “MAHOGANY” my family would have a few questions. But if dad does it, it’s fine. The double standards...

Want to invite anyone they’ve met once over for a BBQ

My dad literally met some random larrikin in the lift at Westfield and next minute he’s in our backyard with his wife the following Sunday - eating pork and fennel sausages. I want to know how they exchanged details so quickly, and covered so many bases considering lift rides are approx 30 seconds. Last week it was someone from the plant section of Bunnings. 

Take their shirt off whenever watching a movie

Only straya dads have absolutely no shame in taking their top off whenever watching a movie. Look, we get that it is hot down here, but is it so hard to keep your shirt in tact when I have friends over??? They don’t need to see what 50 years of drinking endless VB looks like.

Say the following lines...

“Pull your head in”

“Cruisin for a bruisin”

“Fair suck of the sav”


Can safely say I never heard French Daddy Antoine say any of the above lines which was a weird flex from him. I wonder what the French translation of “shit for brains is”...

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