The Official Ranking Of Australian Birds That No One Asked For

Aren’t we lucky to live in a country that offers such regal and alluring wildlife, right at our doorstep. No, I am not referring to kangaroos, koalas, wombats, not even quokkas... I am referring to the birds of Australia. Consider my ranking system harsh but if you can’t fly, then I’m underwhelmed. 

That’s showbiz baby. 

With so many majestic soaring creatures at our disposal, it is difficult to subjectively decide who is Australia's Next Top Bird - but someone has to. On that note, let us commence...

Let’s skip to our top 4 birds, with the late Australian Bush Turkey getting voted out last week by the Australian public. 

In my hand… I have 4 birds remaining… 

 

4. The Kookaburra

A crowd favourite amongst the first few episodes - but sadly, Queen Tyra does not appreciate getting woken up at 6.00am by their unmistakable laugh. Some call it “straya”, I call it attention-seeking. History tells us that their laugh is actually how the kookaburra marks their territory, but TBH I don’t buy it. Do you think I start laughing at the maccas check out boy when he tells me the soft serve machine is broken to ~mark my territory~???

3. The Magpie

The mansion bully that everybody loves to hate. She’s fierce, she’s ruthless, she will stop at nothing to get what she wants… She is, The Australian Magpie. Her skill set includes, but is not limited to: dive bombing, terrorising the public, and death staring. If looks could kill… 

On that note - she was a nightmare for our HR team, and no amount of reputation rehab could save her. 

2. The White Ibis

If I had the confidence of this bird, I would go places. All in a day’s work they will colonise 200 new areas, ruin several picnics, ruthlessly steal every sandwich known to man, AND bin dive. Is there anything they can’t do??? No one can sit there and say ibises are lazy, they are some real go-getters. Sadly, their looks just wouldn’t cut it at Milan or Paris fashion week.

Without further adieu, I present the winner of Australia’s Next Top Bird.

1. The Galah

Let me present our fearless conqueror, The Australian Galah. The beautiful bird behind the even more beautiful phrase ‘you flamin’ galah’. The other birds never really stood a chance up against such a pink, glamorous icon.