I could have written an introductory paragraph to this thorough piece of investigative journalism (Tracy Grimshaw, watch your back as I'm coming for the top job), but I'm just simply too eager to get down to business. Disclaimer: If you don’t know who any of the following people are, a gentle reminder that this is a YOU problem.
*Real Housewives Intro Music Plays Softly In The Background*
6TH PLACE: Athena X Levendi (Sydney)
The Real Housewives of Sydney… Gone, but not forgotten. Including but not limited to beloved cast members such as Krissy Marsh, Victoria, and of course, Athena X.
Was Athena my favourite character in this spin off? No. Was Athena the most liked character of this spin off? Absolutely not. But sweet baby cheeses… She was undoubtedly the most CHAOTIC of ANY of the franchises. Athena X is the founding father of one of the greatest clapbacks of all time, and for that reason and that reason only she receives a place on this list.
“Congratulations, Captain Eyebrows”
Honourable mentions go out to the time that her designer cape was thrown in the Sydney Harbour by Victoria, and when she was informed during her past life regression that Nicole previously stole her wife.
5TH PLACE: Gizelle Bryant (Potomac)
Word on the street is that Gizelle Bryant AKA Ginger Williams is the word on the street. As far as I am concerned, it’s Gizelle Bryant’s world and we are just living in it. Anyone who is a Karen Huger stan reading this… Check yourself, because if anyone is going to be the Grand Dame it has to be Gizelle. Your loss, Jamal and Shermy, you are missing out.
4TH PLACE: Lisa Rinna (Beverly Hills)
We simply have no choice but to get behind the messy icon that is Lisa Rinna, more formally known as Mrs Harry Hamlin. Never forget when she ordered dear old Kim Richards to “never go near” her husband before proceeding to throw a $250 glass of champagne in her face. The good old days. Her talents also include dancing on Instagram, starring in cooked soap operas, and being a loving mother to her two daughters Amelia and Delilah… Is there anything Rinna can’t do? The answer is no, FYI.
~Own it, baby~
TIED 3RD PLACE: Lisa Barlow & Meredith Marks (Salt Lake City)
The wonderfully weird town of Salt Lake City is an ever changing beast filled with cults, money laundering, marriage to step grandparents, and so on… So naturally, we must choose two people to represent this kooky spin off as it is most likely one or both individuals will get cancelled at some stage. The baby gorgeous Lisa Barlow isn’t shy of letting all her co-stars know that she is “richer” than all of them and that she “doesn’t need to be here” despite running after a different friend each episode. Meredith on the other hand, is IT. She gives me huge Maleficent energy, if Maleficent were to have an unlimited Black Amex, trendy lob cut, and Chanel Ski Suit. Her vibes are immaculate.
2ND PLACE: Gina Liano
I will give you my opinion, but you better be ready to hear it… Gina Liano for PM.
Ancient myth has it that if you look up “Girl Boss” in the dictionary, there is nothing but a photo of Gina Liano. When Gina isn’t hitting the streets of Toorak with Lydia, or beefing with Andrea on her tennis court… She is being a barrister, a trailblazing Chemist Warehouse *perfume* extraordinaire, and all round icon. If you get offended by looking at Gina, well, don’t look darling. Good luck with your deck of cards.
1ST PLACE: Lisa Vanderpump
Beverly Hills has and WILL never be the same since LVP left. This happened seasons ago but if there was ever any doubt, yes, I am still in mourning. Life is a little sexy dance, and she always took the lead *wipes tears* with Ken and the Gigster #RipGigolo. She has instilled many important lessons in me since 2010, like that “life isn’t all diamonds and rose, but that it should be” ok sis, whatever you say.